Thank You

It was on the 29th of May

When I saw you on the way.

You seemed like a gay

Because of your hips' sway.

Then I tried to figure out

What was your purpose about.

My feet led me to an office

Where you sat and looked hopeless.

I grabbed the chance to help

Because I really felt your yelp.

I asked the staff on the front desk

Who fortunately wasn't a grotesque.

You stood up and followed what I did.

Oh, you were such a cutie tall kid!

You're told to come back on Wednesday.

And then you went out right away.

So I walked as fast as I could.

Yet fate was not that good.

I didn't get the chance to ask you.

Perhaps timing was out of true.

Yet I decided to talk to you tonight.

Unfortunately I did not follow the light.

I should have laughed with your wisdom.

You should have said "You're welcome."

Dead Stars

               I would probably get BITTER every time my friends would talk about love (or shall I say heartaches?). I prefer to keep quiet and pretend they’re not around. It seems to me that they have only one perception of it – love is when a boy and a girl would fall for each other. It sounds romantic, isn’t it? It gets into my nerves though. No doubt I would really nod if my teacher would mention that she’d prefer to watch horror movies than romance. Then she had to talk about the story again and I had to sit there and listen to my classmates’ may-pinaghuhugutan-answers.

                I don’t understand why love is so complicated. Human beings made it that way, I guess. Love, love, love – what does it really mean?

Love – it’s what everybody is chasing for. People thought it can only be found from others. They would tend to forget that it should start within them. As what the song sings: learning to love yourself – it is the greatest love of all. It’s actually my view of the word at the moment. You might feel so loved by other people and yet there’s always something that is missing. Someone might love you because you are lovely, kind and happy. You know you are supposed to appreciate those things. However, you would end up being bothered. Why? Because you seemed to disagree with what have been said. You don’t find yourself that way. Something is missing – the greatest love of all.

                Love is what people thought what love is. That’s why some of them could not move on easily. They are so attached to that thought which drives them to a feeling that may actually not exist anymore. They find it hard to fully accept the real situation.

                There are people who are living at present because they have no choice. Truth is – the past still lingers on them. So, they find some ways in order to let go. Sometimes, it isn't just enough. They crave to see the persons involved and to make things clear or else they will remain empty.

                Yes, past is past. However, we can’t say goodbye to memories. These are the things which may be dead yet so alive in an individual’s mind – this is what I understand from the story Dead Stars.

                Love occupied most of our memories perhaps. That’s why it is so complicated because our memories have different shades of color – and these shades may turn us into someone we didn't expect to be.

WE STEAL SECRETS: The WikiLeaks Story

What is WikiLeaks? According to the American independent documentary film I watched, WikiLeaks is a machine (for linking secrets) built by Julian Assange. The website has an electronic drop-box which could receive secrets sent by people who did not want to reveal who they were. Anybody can post to it, anonymously and untraceably. WikiLeaks exists to help people safely reveal important material to the world. They have an unbroken record in protecting confidential sources.

Why WikiLeaks created? Julian Assange said he likes to be creative, he is adventurous and most of all he wants to defend the victims. According to people’s opinion as shown in the film, Assange is clever, brave and hardworking. He has a brilliant idea that he managed to execute. No doubt WikiLeaks has been successfully built.

Julian Assange is he a hero to freedom or is he a terrorist to judiciary? Well, for me WikiLeaks has both negative and positive effects. It would be unhelpful if the source is telling a story that it is not true. And it would actually lead to a problem, to a problem and to a problem. Meaning, the issue would be more complicated. Anyhow, I’m kind of a pro-WikiLeaks. As a mass communication student, I must be in favor to public access of information. As shown in the film, WikiLeaks is giving us the truth when everyone else refuses to. Assange said “if we are to produce a more civilized society, a more just society, it has to be based upon the truth.” And I, Carmen Jonahville Matarlo, strongly agree with him. But what is happening in our society right now? Those who are in the authority abused its power to make the citizens blind. The issue of the pork barrel could be the best example. I came to think of: what if WikiLeaks also exists in the Philippines? Then there would be a big possibility that someone would confess who really killed Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino, Jr.

If WikiLeaks already existed during the American Period, then early Filipinos could have discovered that Spain and America made the Treaty of Paris. With this, I can relate the film to what happened when Philippines was under America. There is an event in the film when the Army killed many people including the innocents. I feel pity for the father and his 2 children who were killed while on their way to his children’s school. The Army was like playing computer games. They shoot who they wanted to shoot. Assange said “if those killings were lawful under the rules of engagement then the rules of engagement are wrong, deeply wrong.”  It’s sad to know that we could have prevented the Americans from controlling Filipinos. We forgot to seek for the truth. We should have known from the very start what their agenda were. Filipinos should have “talk of times of peace for all, and then prepare for war.”

Why call Julian Assange a terrorist to the judiciary when he is only dreaming for a better world. WikiLeaks – they still secrets for the benefit of all mankind.

Life Is Good

I felt the love at first sight

When we met in E-Mall

I asked my sister if I could have you

She agreed and my wish finally came true

Life was easier ever since you came

You made me so happy

I had to go outside

And catch my breath

And every time I am sad

You’re ready to capture

The moment I had to

Fake a smile and smile

Because of you I saw

My parents’ genuine eyes

You made them feel

Like you’re a great help in my studies

You were always beside me

Every time I had to go for an interview

You would hold my hand carefully

So I would feel like all is well

Yet I hurt you on May election

I swear I did not mean it

I gave you the pain and scar

Yet you chose to accompany me still

You are very supportive

I am so inspired to play soccer

Because you were watching

On the bench where I told you to wait

Yes, I told you to wait for me

Where were you when I came back?

I looked for you in every corner

But why, why did you leave me?

You don’t have an idea how sad it is for me

You don’t have an idea how I pity my parents

I even got muscle cramps on my legs

While walking and asking why were you gone?

We haven’t reached for a year yet

You left me like there’s nothing to lose

Oh what have I done? What have I done?

I should have not brought you to the field

I will miss each travel with you

I will miss the songs you sing for me

I will miss your wonderful features

I. Will. Miss. You.

Each day will never be the same

I can never again hear you say good morning

I hope conscience would knock Her

I hope Saint Anthony will bring you back to me

Windowpane

An old ant was standing

On the edge of danger

For ten minutes already

Yet he didn’t cry for help

He looked very harmless

On his clean polo and pants

Holding a brown envelope

But all eyes seemed so blind

No human bothered to offer

Or even give a little space

Is Selfishness that influential?

Can Somebody save the ant?

Waiting

People walked on the busy street
While new cars moved with their round feet
Tall and old trees stood on the ground
While their leaves fell without a sound


Saw a girl looking at those things
While sitting on the bench with wings
She is making a fantasy
While waiting for reality


Aliens passed by and felt so free
Their fierce eyes talked as she could see
She got scared and yet she didn't cry
For she knew they would just pass by


She is still waiting on the bench
Yet the one who came was a dove
Now that she is feeling a wrench
She is still waiting for her true love

Utos ng Hari

            I could still remember when Mrs. Uncreative asked us to write a reflection paper about Helen of Troy. I made a poem then. She returned our papers and my classmates said “Yes!”, “Yes!” and “Yes!” They asked me what my score was. I did not answer them instead I went to Mrs. Uncreative. I told her that she might have forgotten to grade my work. She got the paper from my hand, wrote something on it and said: “You got zero!” I was like “WHAT?” The words in every line of each stanza came out from my heart and mind after I watched the movie. “You got zero because you wrote a poem,” she added. I wanted to reason out that all she instructed was to write a reflection paper. However, I did not have the courage to do it – it’s actually one of the things that I’ve regretted in my life. She probably thought that she’s the most powerful person in town. I began to think that schools could kill the creativity of the students. It tells you to do this-and-that and you can do nothing about it. You might have something to say but your fear would swallow it before the air would hear it. So, to Jojo: I feel you.

            Just this afternoon, Mr. IronMan said creativity can be taught. He shared how some supervisors reacted. For them, creativity is a gift. Meaning, you could not have creativity if you did not receive it when you first opened your eyes.

            Now, I am trying to analyze how creativity can be taught. Then I remember how I learned a lot from the tasks given by Mr. Ironman. Yes, he did say do this – just this. He gave us a goal and that’s it. Meaning, we should find our own ways in order to achieve the goal instead of following the ways being provided. And yes, I actually did use my creativity (after a long time) in scriptwriting and marketing. It made me very happy. Then there will be no such thing as Utos ng Hari – just Kaligayahang Walang Hanggan. However, there’s always a limitation of everything of course. Let’s not forget about that.

            Jun Cruz Reyes’ Utos ng Hari is a very good piece. Students could really relate to Jojo. Teachers would also be more open-minded – not judging the capabilities of a student because he is this-and-that.

            One thing I have learned from the story: if you want to learn, do not be afraid to get wrong.

TOUCH

                                      As what Mrs. Darling in Peter Pan said: Don’t judge your father too harshly. After all he really loves you very much.

                                 I remember this quote right after I read Lakambini Sitoy’s Touch. I love how the writer presented the characters. Every reader would probably learn something from them. For me, the story has an impact. It pushed me to play what-if. What if my father was Mang Tinong? What if my younger brother was Ciso? What if I was Dora? What if somebody who’s nobody was the healer? What if we were in their situation? Touch – such an interesting title.

                                 My father exposes his self under the heat of the sun for almost ten years. No doubt his skin turned dark. He prepares food for our breakfast and dinner. No doubt I do not know how to cook. He cleans our surrounding during his day off. No doubt he has lesser time to relax. Unlike my mother, father isn’t affectionate. I love you never came out from his mouth.

                                 Like father, my younger brother doesn’t show he cares. We used to play basketball under the rain when we were kids. For me, that’s the sweetest bonding ever. Yet, for him it was merely a competition. I kind of hate him because he never taught me how to play Counter Strike and Dota. So, I had to help myself. I swear it wasn’t effective. I didn’t get any better – I was never even good at it. Still, I do care for him.  Though I never heard him say thank you.

                                 Among my siblings I am the sweetest, I guess. However, I can also be bitter every time the situation calls for it. I love to say “thank you” to my siblings and father. “I love you” is intended only for my mother. Unlike the rest of the gang, it doesn’t sound dramatic for her. My problem is, I am too shy to say I’m sorry whenever my conscience would knock. I may not say it yet I do show it.

                                 Our family is apparently not perfect. At least, we live and suffer together. And I thank God for that.

                                 Though papa doesn’t say he loves us, we can feel and see that he does. So, if he was Mang Tinong he’d probably not beat us. Dodong may not say he’s thankful but at least he is respectful. Then he would not leave me hanging if he was Ciso. I love my family so much -- whatever will happen, I will always choose to live with them. I think positive as much as I can. So, if I was Dora I would never be full of regrets. Our family might face some wounded times. Yet there is someone who isn’t just anybody – He is always ready to heal our hearts and minds. So, if we were in their situation we could probably get through it.

                                 I finally get the touch after the what-ifs. It isn’t about what you say; it’s about how you act instead. Indeed, actions speak louder than words. For me, touch is what your heart feels which contradicts what is on your mind. Thus, it is left unspoken yet uncovered.

                                 I even more appreciate and love my father after reading the story. I consider him as our Superman. Yet I realized that even heroes have weaknesses. So, I decided to help him as much as I can. I will study well for him and my family. As far as possible, he must relax when he would arrive at home from his work.

            I know papa is not perfect like Mang Tinong. However, I promise not to judge him. I’d agree with Mrs. Darling – after all he really loves us very much.

AT LEAST

            I played so many roles for almost nineteen years of my existence – a daughter, sister, friend, student and a citizen. Like everyone else, I want to make things right – make my family proud, be true to my friends, work well on my studies and do good things for my country. In other words, I want to be the best-person-ever. YET, I accept life as imperfect and so I am. Nobody is perfect, anyway. For this reason, I cannot say I have the harmony among all aspects of my life: physical, social, mental and spiritual.

            I just want to point out three things:

1)      As a teenager, I want to enjoy life to the fullest – having fun with my friends.

2)      As a student, I want to get good grades – studying until dawn.

3)      As a Catholic, I want to attend the mass – as much as possible, everyday or at least every Sunday.

However, I cannot serve two masters at a time. Once, I got sick because of consecutive sleepless nights. Why? I haven’t started my projects earlier for I have attended organizational meetings and family occasions. There were times I chose not to hang-out with my friends because I had to attend the mass. Also, I could not go to church sometimes because of many tasks in school. Things like these – produce imbalances in life.

To achieve all the points I have mentioned above, I decided to weigh my actions. Now, I am practicing time management. I also set some rules for myself:

1)      Learn to prioritize!

2)      Do not waste time!

3)      Have enough sleep!

4)      Do not forget to thank God!

5)      When all else fails, GO BACK TO STEP NUMBER ONE!

They said the only writer of the story of your life is God. He needs your cooperation, actually. So, whenever you face some problems do not blame it all to Him. Make yourself reliable, too. Do not just say it into words yet put it into actions.

            I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a student. I am a citizen. I am not perfect -- I may have imbalances in different aspects of my life yet I will never get tired of trying to make things right.

I may not be the best but at least I am better than the rest.

AN IDENTITY UNDER QUESTION

I was really proud to be a Filipino before I went to college – before I got to know other angles of Philippine history. Now, I can say an identity, my identity is under question. What is truly Filipino?

            Fernando Zialcita mentioned problems in the Filipinos coming in terms of one’s culture and identity. He said ordinary restaurants, both here and abroad, do not make their offerings visually attractive. Why? They lack of concern for the customers. Zialcita said this is a question of self-respect. Well, I can see some restaurants giving full effort in serving their customers. Yet, I can’t deny the fact that good service isn’t free – you must pay a big amount for it. Thus, only elites could avail it. Thus, self-respect is over powered by self-interest. Some Filipinos are more concerned about what we could get from whom than what we could give to whom. For them, profit is more important. Zialcita added that some Filipinos’ tendency to denigrate, without basis, their major cultural symbols shows in other realms, and works against it. For instance, barong Tagalog is supposed to be the national shirt. Then it turned out to be a “slave shirt” because according to Zialcita’s reference: wicked Spaniards compelled Filipinos to wear their shirttails out to mark their low status, and obliged them to use a transparent fabric so as to expose their weapons. So, some Filipinos refuse to wear barong Tagalog. It’s killing me. It’s killing our culture. It’s killing our identity. Do they have evidences which can prove that Spaniards really did it? If yes, then who’s that silly person who declared barong Tagalog as the Filipino national shirt? Zialcita also mentioned free standing structures either in timber or stone that attempts to symbolize the cosmos and Man’s place within it indicate a sophisticated level of social development. He also talked about “forced labor.” I hate the fact that most of the Filipinos allowed those wicked Spaniards controlled them. It’s sad to know that they didn’t have the strength to speak up and tell those cruel people how bad their faces were – as bad as their doings.

According to Zialcita, during the downfall of thrones, the state drew its legitimacy from the “will of the people.” Legitimacy from the people – did it really happen? Think about it. I’ve read about national-states – each protective of its interests and each eager to maximize its gains. We all know that individuals differ when it comes to their interest. Now, can you say that national identity exists? I do not think so. That’s why I agree with Zialcita when he said that culture itself is under scrutiny. He said diverse peoples of the islands should have a common vision and a sense of pride in their heritage. I guess, the best way to do it is to respect one another. Let’s say, I am a Roman Catholic, you are a Protestant. So what? We are Filipinos, anyway. As what Zialcita said: we are obliged to articulate our uniqueness when planning tourism campaigns, attracting investors, selling finished products on the world market, or even when just entertaining foreign visitors. Then things would get better that way. And yes, it would probably be more fun in the Philippines!

I agree that the Philippines is culturally diverse. Some Filipinos practice animism, others embraced Islam and most are Christians. So, angst of Christianity follows. Zialcita said that one reason of this angst may be that internationally there seems little respect for lowland Filipino culture. He added self-confidence and respect by others reinforce each other. To quote my favorite part in An Identity under Question: “If we are confident about our identity, others take notice of this and respect us. On the other hand, if others respect us, then our self-confidence deepens.” It’s very true, isn’t it? However, it is useless because Filipinos do not put it into action. We are so anxious about our identity. Thus, preexisting anxiety is reinforced, as what Zialcita said. Zialcita presented another sad truth: Filipinos are marginal. Meaning, we are not important. Other countries chose not to recognize our achievements. Yes, lowland Christian Filipinos may be English-speaking but their culture is less known and less appreciated among the English-speaking public in Asia, Europe or the Anglo-countries. The question is, what can we do about this? Will we just sit here and let them underestimate Filipinos. No way. We must continue what we’ve started though it wasn’t recognized. I believe Filipinos are creative. In fact, Philippines has a lot of achievements at present. Yet, we must always remember that everything is temporary. According to Zialcita, Filipinos love their way of life. However, problems appear when they reflect on their identity and try to explain this to themselves, to fellow Filipinos, or to outsiders.

Zialcita said Filipinos are unease about their culture. This stems from (1) the demonization of Spanish influence, (2) a limited menu of binaries for interpreting culture, and (3) reductionist interpretations.

(1)   How the Spaniards did colonize the Philippines for so long?

Ø  Using armed forces to control Filipinos

Ø  Influence Filipino’s mind through religion

Ø  Using local government

I got this from one of the educational discussions I attended. It is clear that the Spaniards used many methods in order to colonize the Philippines. I guess, they were good enough to achieve their motive. Some Filipinos were fooled then.

For Zialcita, one of the problems during the Spanish colonization is, power was concentrated at the upper levels of the state and church. This is not new to me because it’s still happening at present. Though we already have Article II, Section 6 in the Philippine Constitution, conflicts between the two is often. However, I also agree with Zialcita when he said, not every accusation made today about that period can be accepted in the name of nationalism and anti-colonialism, without supporting evidence. We have to be reliable with our sources, of course. We must ask at least three sources and we must read until we find out that evidences were provided. History is part of the past which could help us understand the present. So, instead of judging it, try getting to know more about it. According to him, it is claimed that the Spaniards were so perverse that they deliberately kept Filipinos ignorant. I would agree to that. Perhaps, if I were a citizen during that time I’d think Spaniards were being helpful. Yet, I’ve read books and PDF about their cruelty. I just found out that Filipinos on that time were wrapped by ignorance. Another problem is the church and state in Catholic countries fought with each other over who would control the educational system. At first, it’s good to hear that they want to educate Filipinos. But the question is: what would they teach? If it’s all about Spain or America, what culture would we have then? Spanish-like and American-like – most probably. No doubt many Filipinos are unease about their identity. He added that Spaniards also introduced a regular and obligatory system of taxation. It became the basic pillar of the state. Taxation – most part of it is for government satisfaction only.

(2)*Colonial versus Non/Anti-colonial.

Ø  “kin-based community” versus “community broader than the kin”

Filipinos are individualistic. I’d agree. We are focused only to ourselves. We tend not to care about the problems in our community and nation. Zialcita suggested that we should be careful of reducing this to either Western influence or to colonial residues.

Ø  “state versus non-state”

He mentioned the nation has become part of ordinary discourse – but not the state. To understand it better, we must first differentiate nation, state and nation-state. As what I’ve learned in our Political Science 11: nation is a group of people who share a common cultural inheritance and regard themselves as a natural political community. State is a political association that establishes sovereign jurisdiction within defined territorial borders, characterized by its monopoly of legitimate violence. Nation-state is a sovereign political association within which citizenship and nationality overlap; one nation within a single state. We used Andrew Heywood’s book, by the way. So, I believe that Philippines is a nation-state. Correct me if I am wrong though. Zialcita then suggested that we must compete with other nation-states. He said Philippines has to improve its infrastructure, attract investments and offer more product. To do all these, it has to project internal stability. How? That is the problem. As what has been said earlier, Philippines is culturally diverse. Despite this, people must be united. Unfortunately, that is not the case. It actually leads to another problem – an attitude of dependency on the US. Last June 12, people were posting “Happy Independence Day” on Facebook. I didn’t like their status. I was thinking – are we really independent? Independent of being dependent on US, I guess.

Ø  “pre-democratic versus democratic”

Like Zialcita, I would say that democracy matters because every individual has rights as a human being and as a citizen. I’ve read a book of Fareed Zakaria. In his book, he questioned: what comes first, freedom or democracy? It is an interesting question, isn’t it? Think about it! And yes, I will think about it, again.

    *Beyond Asia versus West

> As what Zialcita said, Filipino’s achievements are often not appreciated enough either by himself or by others because they do not seem “Asian” enough. Here’s the problem: authenticity is confused with exoticism. When we say it’s authentic, it’s genuine. When we say it’s exotic, it’s from another country. However, we cannot say that it is not authentic just because it was introduced by another country. I don’t know if you get my point. You know, everybody can create a new from something they knew from someone. I just don’t get why they can’t appreciate Filipino’s achievements. Maybe, we’re so good they’re jealous.

(3) Zialcita said the claim that all Spanish influence is evil injures our sense of national identity. Filipinos lost their culture and ended up as mere copycats. We have no one to blame, only the Spaniards. I salute those Filipinos who were awakened from coma and made their stand not just for their selves but for the Philippines and its people.

He mentioned that many use “culture” and “race” interchangeably. Why? Is it so hard to remember that culture is the action and race is the doer? And again, correct me if I am wrong. You can search for the exact definition of the said words, anyway. The meaning I’ve presented was merely my clues.

According to Zialcita, the oppressed saw in the verses of poems imbued with Christian doctrine as ideology that justified their revolt against the rich, the educated and even against the priests. I forgot to comment about education. Yes, elites can go to school and those who are not cannot. Education is an issue even at present. It seems to me that education is a privilege when in fact it’s a right. I would not blame the Filipinos who were responsible for the revolts in the past. I believe there’s nothing wrong about it, there was something wrong that’s why they did it.

When asked what my identity is, I’d probably say I’m a girl. Others might question your identity but in the end, it’s still you who know what it is. So, what is truly Filipino? For me, a true Filipino is someone who is proud that he is a Filipino. We’re very good of saying “past is past” yet we’re not practicing it. So, move on people! That is why we are studying History so that we can understand the present. So, if someone would ask me “Why is there so much Spanish in your culture?” – I’d say because Spaniards were part of Philippine history. They colonized us so badly. Their faces were so scary it made Filipinos on that time so weary. Seriously, I’m a Filipino. It’s my identity. Do not question it!